Andie: Adaptive Gender Euphoria
Hello SewQueer community! I am Andie: nonbinary, disabled and chronically ill, neurodivergent, fat, and bisexual. All my intersections are treasured, but I also acknowledge my privilege and my part in ensuring the world is safer for all people. I am writing from the unceded Algonquin Anishinaabe territory. I honour the people and the land of the Algonquin Anishinaabe Nation just as I honour all indigenous people and the stolen land of Turtle Island. I will continue to fight for them and their place as the custodians of this land that has been colonized into what we now know as Canada.
As a disabled person who is also nonbinary, I have found it difficult to achieve the gender euphoria that is often represented in media: post-op pictures, displays of androgyny, and so much more. My fatness and large bust make existing in a typical androgynous body quite impossible. My journey comes from a place of acceptance of those limitations and a redefinition of the word androgyny.
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it and a white Yule tree with Hello Kitty ornaments. They are standing and facing the camera and holding a small ornament to their ear like an earring with a surprised expression. They are wearing a grey bra with pink elastic and white pj pants with small pink stars and grey dots and a silver tinsel garland on their head.
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it and a white Yule tree with Hello Kitty ornaments. They are standing facing the side toward the tree smiling with one hand pointing at a Hello Kitty plush on the tree and the other holding a Hello Kitty plush with a unicorn horn on it. They are wearing a grey bra with pink elastic and white pj pants with small pink stars and grey dots.
The number one issue I have had since coming out as nonbinary is the bra situation. My disability includes a heck of a lot of allergies including terrible compression hives and an allergy to even non-latex elastics. Binders would be a major issue for me since my ribs also dislocate very easily due to my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). Sensory issues abound for me with bras, so they were never comfortable for me; in addition to that, not wearing a bra would trigger gender issues for me and also sensory issues due to sweat or pain because my skin has stretched (another EDS trait).
I haven’t felt gender euphoria very often with my body. I feel it when people use my correct pronouns (they/them, please!) or when I make clothes that really embody my gender presentation and many other times. But gender euphoria doesn’t happen very often in relation to my body. Like other areas of my life, my body is also very changeable due to my chronic illness. Often something can work for one year and then I need to adapt to new symptoms. Getting surgery is not an option at all as EDS means poor healing and the risks outweigh the benefits for me.
When I think about gender, I think about things you can put on and take off, but my bust is not something I can put on or take off.
I really had to redefine how I thought about myself, my gender, and the definition of androgyny.
Historically, androgyny tends toward very skinny, bustless, and the more traditionally male end of the gender spectrum. However, that is a construct, like all gender, and we can definitely take that as optional. If that is your gender presentation, I fully celebrate you, but it's not something I can achieve. If that definition is something you have in your head and are enforcing it on others, please interrogate that rigid thinking. We arbitrarily chose those attributes for androgyny without considering the harm for fat or disabled folks. I love my femme side and I love the ways in which my style has evolved over the past couple of years since coming out. I love Hello Kitty and Sanrio characters. I love pastel colours. I love my shaved head! I love how my style evolved and pants finally became a comfortable part of my wardrobe! I love my gender.
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it and a white Yule tree with Hello Kitty ornaments. They are standing with their back to the camera. They are wearing a grey bra with pink elastic and white pj pants with small pink stars and grey dots.
I went on a journey of feeling very separate from my body and feeling like I would never achieve androgyny. Then I realized those definitions don’t matter in the slightest. I am nonbinary and I do not owe androgyny to anyone. What I do owe to myself is grace and the space to play with gender presentation.
With this new perspective, I decided on what features I would need in a bra to help support (harhar) my needs and also allow me to play with different styles. Here is my list:
No back closure as my shoulders dislocate
Racer back style as it supports my back really well
Covered band elastic because of my allergies
Light compression so I don’t trigger compression hives
Fabric straps so they don’t pinch my shoulders
Knit fabric so that I can have soft fabrics against my skin
Easier sew than a “real structured bra” since my fingers will bend back when installing elastic and stretching at the same time. (Tip: I use surgical clamps or hemostats for holding the elastic rather than use my fingers as the hemostats grip much better.)
The pattern I chose to start with is the Riley Crossover Bra from Rad Patterns. The bra has all the features I wanted: front side closure, larger bust options, knit fabric, and covered band elastic.
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it and a white Yule tree with Hello Kitty ornaments. They are standing facing the camera with no smile and one hand in a pocket and the other on their hip. They are wearing a grey bra with pink elastic and white pj pants with small pink stars and grey dots.
I made a 1X muslin first but didn’t complete or take pictures of it as there were fit issues with it but it gave me enough information to adjust for a wearable muslin. For the next version, I adjusted the side seams, as the back was pulling forward. I shortened the straps by 2” in total (1” on either side). Finally, I added a bit under the arm.
The pattern instructions have you sew the lining and the main fabric right sides together and then add elastic in the seam allowance. I changed that for the next version to fully enclose the seam in 1” fold over elastic. Fold over elastic is a lot easier for me to control, and it tends to be easier to stretch. I still use the hemostat to hold the elastic but it is a lot easier for my hands to manage. Plus I reduced my labour from four steps (sew front and lining together, sew elastic, turn, topstitch) to one – I just sew it in one go with the seam sandwiched in the fold over elastic! Huzzah! Just your reminder that if you can think of easier ways to do things that reduce your frustrations, do it. There is no one way to do something. Just like gender presentation!
Instead of snaps or an S hook, I used bra hooks and eyes. They feel really secure even after a day of wear. I will need to make a small change in the length of the band so that it can extend past the hook and eye on the closure that goes under and is against my skin. The extra band will cover that and help me avoid sensory issues from the hooks and eyes that are against my skin in this version.
My second version is wearable but I do have a few alterations to do for next time:
Reduce the height of the armscye. When I added it in, I didn’t consider that using the fold over elastic would mean I should add less. To be fair, the fold over was decided after the bra was cut out while I procrastinated sewing that step.
Shorten! The back is a bit long for my torso and the cups are also a bit too long. I think this will also correct the strap seam placement based on my pinning.
Pinch out excess in the strap down to the bust point and where the crossover meets. The cup sizes are actually a bit too large and my bust is asymmetrical. I will be pinning this out and then making pattern adjustments for each.
Move the side seam forward about 2” as I overcorrected there.
There are a few other fit issues but I prefer not to do too many alterations in one go.
Here is that pinned out with a front and side view:
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it. They are in a grey bra that is pinned in various locations to show a better fit.
Andie, a white nonbinary person with a shaved blonde head and glasses, stands in front of a wall with pictures on it. They are turned to the side and in a grey bra that is pinned in various locations to show a better fit.
You’ll notice the lift is a bit better in that version. I don’t expect or even want a push-up bra but I much prefer them to be upright.
I feel major gender euphoria with the bra and the potential of all the future versions! It can be so many things and so many colours! I can use any knit fabric combination as the whole bra is lined in a firm powernet from Emerald Erin to keep it stable.
I have velvet versions planned. Lace versions. More sporty versions like this one.
Most of all, I am excited to play with gender presentation and feel that gender euphoria.
Andie Wells (they/them) is a nonbinary, fat, disabled, neurodivergent sewist, artist, and improv actor from Canada. They blog at andiewells.studio and share their sewing and art on Instagram @andiewellsstudio.
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